Grace in Small Things: #4

You know how the less often you do something, the harder it seems to finally do it? Like exercise--the less I work out, the more monumental a task it seems to actually start.

Lately, blogging is like that.

I have tons of stuff going on, some funny, some annoying, some serious, some exciting. But by the time the kids go to bed at about 8 PM, the task of being coherent and alert enough to write interesting sentences seems insurmountable.

So instead of writing, I watch bad TV, which in turn makes me feel less creative, less interesting, less able to construct a worthwhile post.

It's a vicious cycle. I'm working on breaking it.

For now, some grace in small things:

1) Hot cocoa on a cold rainy day

2) Little boys who play so hard that they fall asleep 2 minutes after their heads hit the pillow

3) My 5 y.o. daughter's expanding and entertaining sense of humor

4) The rainy, dreary cold weather that makes a good excuse to burrow into comfy clothes and hibernate for a few days

5) A trip home in 2 weeks to see family and friends for the first time in months

What are you thankful for?

Let The Countdown Begin

I looked at a calendar today and realized that, since Conrad and I only get paid once a month, we have one more paycheck coming before Christmas.

Yikes.

Time to start thinking about buying some gifts. Thank GOD for online shopping. I'm hoping that I won't have to step foot in a mall or any other kind of big, crowded store (other than for groceries) after Thanksgiving. I can't handle the crowds anymore, although I used to LOVE Christmas shopping.

I think now I know that I will probably have at least one kid with me, maybe more, and the thought of wrangling children and a stroller and baby bag through crowded stores and, even worse, into crowded public restrooms, makes me cringe.

Also this year I am hoping to have at least one or two homemade gifts for each child. Which, given my current lack of time to do most anything, is fairly ambitious and means I should probably get started. Like, now.

Looking for inspiration for homemade gifts the kids will actually use, and that are within my limited ability to create, I've been going through archives on Design Mom and SouleMama.

Any other ideas for inspiration and direction? What are you planning for the holidays?

When All Else Fails, Fake It

It dawns on me as I sit on the floor of the family room with a crying Sunshine in my lap that she believes I can make it better. She thinks I know what to do, how to fix it, where to find the answer.

And then I think, CRAP. Because I don't know.

She's upset, suddenly, after a morning of being totally fine and cheerful, just minutes before we are supposed to walk out the door to kindergarten. The thing that set her off was minor--Deuteronomy accidentally bonking her with his shoe, not even hard, and not intentionally. And suddenly EVERYTHING is AWFUL.

She hates her hair, doesn't like her shirt, everything is miserable. The kids are all supposed to wear jeans and button down shirts, and will be dressing up as scarecrows in class for a kindergarten hoedown today. She has a straw hat in her bag that she's refusing to put on.

She lashes out at me, at her brothers, at the Nanny.

I send her to her room to calm down, even though we are supposed to be walking out the door.

Once she's calm she comes down to apologize. And I thought it was fine.

But now we're sitting in a heap on the floor, her crying again, me confused, and the clock indicating that it's well past time to leave.

What am I supposed to say? What the hell is wrong? Do I keep her home from school? I just want someone to tell me what I'm supposed to do.

I think hard. I am the Mother, her Mother. I have to make it right, it's in my job description. No one else can do this.

I take a breath and plunge in.

"Sweetie, you are overwhelmed. You have a party at school today, and you're dressing up in a kind of funny outfit."

"That's probably weird to you, but don't worry, you won't be the only one in these clothes. I know you're excited about the party, and about Halloween and the neighborhood parade tomorrow too. That's a lot of excitement to think about," I say.

She was also up late reading a book with me. And she's getting a sniffle, possibly a cold. It's not the flu, I know the symptoms after reading every CDC pamphlet and website known to man, but she is still not feeling 100%. Her little symptoms are nothing worth keeping her home for, but enough to be annoying because she has to keep blowing her nose and then washing her hands. It's a lot for a 5-year old, now that I think about it.

I stand her up. I pour her a cup of cherry apple tea and put it in a travel mug. I am decisive.

"Drink this, it will warm you up and make you feel better. Get in the car, we can't walk because we're late."

She does what she's told, and suddenly she's happy and fine. She's ready for school. She drinks her tea.

I realize as we drive to school that she really thinks I know what I'm doing. And when I waffle, when I'm not sure what to do and I let it show, it scares her.

As I walk her to her classroom, her teacher emerges and says how glad she is that Sunshine made it. Sunshine smiles and kisses me good-bye.

As I walk away, I see her taking her hat out of the backpack and putting it on.

I did it. I made it okay. I am Mother, hear me roar.

Grace in Small Things: #3

1. Homemade granola bars and hot apple cider with mulling spices

2. Esau's crazy hair sticking up in every direction, pretty much all the time

3. Walking the path in the woods with the kids and Conrad

4. Wagons to pull the children in when they get tired of walking

5. Getting "Boo-ed" by the neighbors

What about you?