Refusing to be WRONG

I have a teeny-tiny problem admitting I am wrong. As in I am almost incapable of doing it, even when I KNOW I should, that its the right and only thing to do in a given situation.

In two separate instances in this crappy weekend that is thankfully over, I had the option to admit that I was wrong. In the one situation where I should have said it, where I was wrong and should have apologized--I could not do it until it was almost too late. In the situation where I had no reason to feel or say that I was the one who was wrong, I did apologize. And I am so annoyed with myself over both experiences.

My wonderful and loving husband sometimes tends to overreact juuuuuust a little bit over issues regarding safety and security. I know this. On Saturday, I went out with Sunshine and time got away from me. I didn't have my phone nearby, so I wasn't answering calls. Although Conrad knew where we were going, he grew concerned because it was unusual that he couldn't get in touch with me. So he ended up calling 15 times, and was getting ready to come looking for us when I finally checked my phone. In essence, I created a situation that made him worry, and then I got pissed off at him for worrying. I know him. I know how he gets, I know how he thinks. And I still got pissed off at him for acting like HIMSELF. We ended up arguing, and then I couldn't say sorry, I couldn't admit that I may have been partially at fault. The night ended with the worst fight we have ever had--it was awful. Ugh.

Thank God he has the patience of a saint and I finally got over my stupid ego and apologized (for the record, he is crap at admitting fault too, but in this case I was the one who was wrong). In addition to being a bitch to him, my parents were here visiting for the weekend and saw me acting like a bratty child. I had to apologize to them too. Blah.

Then today, we all went to my in-laws for a BBQ, and I ended up in an argument with my mother-in-law. Let me preface this story by saying unequivocally that I love my mother-in-law. She is a good woman, with good intentions and a good heart. But when she doesn't get her way, she can be manipulative and childish. And she DOES NOT LISTEN to my husband and I in regards to our wishes for our kids and giving/receiving gifts. She constantly buys gifts for the kids--almost every time we see them she has something new. It may be clothes, a toy, a little trinket, whatever. Since my in-laws only live about an hour away, we see them often--every other weekend at least, and often more.

We have asked her umpteen million gazillion times to stop giving gifts on a constant basis because Conrad and I feel very strongly that we don't want the kids to be spoiled and expect presents. Conrad and I have explained over and over to my mother-in-law that the kids love to spend time with their grandparents and that she doesn't need to give them gifts to make them want to see her. They love her for the time she spends with them. We have asked politely, we have jokingly reminded her when she "forgot" our requests. We have argued and even threatened to refuse the gifts and take them to Good Will. We have had this discussion approximately 1,342,934 times.

Now, this weekend I was at Toys R Us with Sunshine getting a birthday gift for a friend of hers whose party we were going to attend. Sunshine kept picking up toys--anything and everything she saw, it didn't matter what it was--and saying "I want this." Now, I know she is 3 and she wants everything. But when I would say no and explain that we were there to find a nice birthday gift for her friend, she would FLIP OUT. I mean cry and stomp her feet and whine and refuse to walk. It was so bad that eventually she ended up on time out in the store, crying and demanding toys. And I was angry and embarassed, and determined not to allow or encourage that behavior.

Fast forward to today at my in-laws. Today was Deuteronomy's actual birthday. Since we had already had a joint birthday party for both kids (their birthdays are less than 4 weeks apart), we were really getting together to enjoy the day, and I hoped reminisce about the past year since my baby boy was born. I didn't have more birthday gifts, my parents didn't have more birthday gifts. But my mother-in-law did. For BOTH KIDS. (Another issue that pisses me right off--Sunshine will not and should not feel like she is being slighted if she doesn't get a birthday gift on her brother's birthday. It's not her birthday. She gets gifts on her special day. He gets them on his. GRRRRR...getting angry. But I digress.)

As everyone sat around in the sunroom and Deuteronomy was sound asleep on my lap, my MIL pulled Sunshine onto her lap and gave her a present. I tried to jokingly remark that she had apparently forgotten whose birthday it was, and must also have forgotten that we had already had a party where the kids received more gifts than was reasonable. But she refused to make eye contact with me and mumbled something like, "Yes, I must have forgotten."

I tried again to get her attention so I could politely make my opinion clear, but she brushed me off again. And then I got pissed. And I told her, in no uncertain terms, that I knew she was ignoring our requests and that I wasn't about to let it go. That my children are MY CHILDREN, and that if Conrad and I ask her to follow a rule for them that we feel is important she better damn well do it. She continued to explain why she needed to get the gifts, how they were on such a good sale, she knew the kids would love them, it wasn't anything big, and on and and on. But this time, I didn't give up arguing and hope she would listen. I pushed on until she finally realized I wasn't going to let it go, and she said she would stop ignoring us and stop buying the kids so much stuff.

The conversation ended, somewhat awkwardly, and life went on. She went into the kitchen to do something, and I passed my sleeping son to my mother and followed her. And I apologized, to my everlasting dismay. I said I was sorry and didn't want to argue with her, but that when she ignored our requests, she made me angry. And she took advantage of my apology--she started crying about wanting to be a good grandmother and not feeling like it was fair to put limits on what she could and couldn't get the kids. I ended up pissed again, and regretting my apology.

Who knows if the situation is going to get better or worse with her, as she is not used to NOT getting her own way all the time. In the end, I know what is and is not good for my kids and I will stick by my guns with Conrad by my side. Hopefully she will come around.

But what really disappointed me was completely unrelated to her and her manipulations. I couldn't apologize to my husband, who I adore with all my heart and soul, when I should have. And I apologized to my mother-in-law when I wasn't wrong and really wasn't sorry for having stuck up for myself.

I am not sure what that says about me...but I don't think it says anything good.