It is the ups and downs of motherhood that I think define it best.
In just one week working from home, my emotional range on a daily basis astounds me.
Lovely breakfasts together in the morning half-light are so quickly followed by tantrums over who was playing with the blocks first.
My pride over Sunshine's ability to put together a 50-piece jigsaw puzzle fizzles as soon as she grabs a toy from Deuteronomy or takes a crayon to my kitchen table.
Joy at Deuteronomy's newly found ability to identify a few choice animals in the Little People zoo is replaced by annoyance when he head butts me in the eye socket for trying to change his diaper.
I am exhausted at the end of the day, not because of any real physical exertion, but from the emotional swings of love and contentment, rage and frustration that seem to be a permanent fixture in my new routine.
I am quite sure the children would appreciate it if I would mellow out, even out, relax a bit. Be slightly more predictable, perhaps. But I am just getting back into the swing of this daily grind, and I had forgotten how much I could love my kids while simultaneously wanting to just squish them.
I am sure I will find my balance so I can let the mess spread out for a few hours without anxiety gripping me as I survey the play room, allow the kids to torment each other occasionally without interrupting to set things "right", and listen patiently as Sunshine asks the same question 43,984,561 times without saying "For crying out loud, just stop asking!" like I did today.
I'll get there.
Already I look forward to my days in ways that I didn't when I was away from my kids. I love that I can help Deuteronomy learn the animals and what they say, that I can teach Sunshine to write her name and pick letters she knows out of books.
I just need to accept that they are kids and they will act like kids, and its okay if every day isn't perfect all day.
I'll get there.
For the record though, Sunshine now likes to say "for crying out loud" to preface almost any statement. It's her new favorite phrase.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
For Crying Out Loud
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
This was such an excellent post ! you hit the nail on the head on so many points.
And how old is sunshine ? writing her name ? i was thinking she was the same as age, and i can not even fathom sass writing her name.
i hope the next week brings you more ups than downs on the roller coaster of mommyland
I found your blog through Mommyvents. Great post. I need to mellow out too. And I love what you wrote about being exhausted from the emotional swings. So, so true.
Yes, motherhood is ups and downs. I'm amazed at how exhausted I am at the end of the day, and you're right, it's often mostly emotional exhaustion. Great post. You totally captured it!
I can relate to so many things in this post.
I hope it gets better for you overall, just know that it'll be normal to have meltdowns all around, every once in a while.
We had one last night when Miss E got hold of the benadryl bottle I'd just used to give her some medicine for her hives because she'd managed to consume something despite my best efforts, that gave her a reaction. She spilled some but said she drank some, too. So a screaming match, borne of fear and agitation, a phone call to poison control and a few hours later - all was calm and well again.
You'll get there...I know you will. And if not, there's always a 5:00 glass of wine at the end of the day!
aww, you're not alone honey. :) it is so extremely emotionally draining... I don't know if it really ever gets better, but at least it is rewarding. be well.
Good points. It is the emotions that exhaust us. Good luck to you as you work your way into a new balance.
I like to remind my children that consistency just isn't part of who I am. It does get easier with time though, you'll find your balance.
For crying out loud. Ha!
Post a Comment